Introduction
Eve-teasing is a peculiar phenomenon so widespread in India that it has earned an entry in the Oxford Dictionary. It's an experience shared by an overwhelming 99% of women who grew up, visited, or spent any significant time in India. This remains true even today, although the extent of it varies by town and city. It may still be alive and well as a distressing custom among idle men in India.
The definition of eve-teasing should be amended to indicate that it encompasses any unwanted attention or harassment by unfamiliar men toward women in public places.
My friends and family's encounters with eve-teasing began during our childhood. Rules were established to protect us kids. One non-negotiable rule was that girls couldn't be outside alone after dark, which meant after 7 p.m. (sunset).
As children, we weren't typically invited on excursions outside anyway, so this rule didn't trouble us. Our adventures mostly unfolded in the afternoons when we sneaked out to buy candy from nearby mom-and-pop stores. They marked our first encounters with strangers touching our face or pinching our cheeks.
Torn between the desire for candy and the discomfort of these interactions, we avoided stores where the owners indulged in such behavior. When it happened, we'd share our stories with each other. To protect ourselves, we'd always go in groups of 2-3 kids. Since we had sneaked out, we couldn't go home and complain about what had occurred. We feared losing our freedom or our family getting into conflicts with store owners, so we kept quiet and devised our defenses.
Around ages 10-11, some of us discovered that boys from nearby schools, often in their school uniforms, had atrocious manners. They'd throw used popsicle sticks in our direction when we were waiting for the bus, walking, or sitting inside rickshaws and autos. If one of us threw the sticks back, it would only lead to laughter, further embarrassing us.
Sometimes, other adult eve-teasers would whistle, make indecent remarks we couldn't hear clearly, and laugh.
Occasionally, they'd pay us compliments like 'Wah, beauty,' or simply 'Beautiful,' which made us want to hide or run away. Since they encountered us while walking to and from school, we couldn't do much but pretend to be deaf, look down, walk quickly, or hold each other's hands tightly.
Most of these encounters were harmless, with the eve-teaser just wasting time. However, if we felt more threatened, we'd look to older women or kinder older gentlemen for reassurance. We might even walk with them for safety.
Sometimes, men on bicycles would peer into the rickshaws, to ogle us or speak obscenities that we did not understand, but knew were 'bad words,’ though not exactly sure why they were ‘bad’. We were stuck in the rickshaws, and couldn't escape as they only moved at 10-25 mph.
Our families, knowingly, had arranged for us to be safely transported home under the watchful eye of the appointed guardian for those times, the rickshaw driver. If any of the boys misbehaved, we could complain to the driver, and he'd shoo them away. However, we never did complain, nor did we understand why these boys laughed or threw used sticks inside the rickshaw.
Of the more interesting anecdotes was the movie-going experience of our teenage years. This was when watching movies at the theater was considered real entertainment. However, no one in our family wanted to take us. They were reluctant to accompany us due to the troubles they associated with going out. We understood why much later, as an adult.
Since we were considered a group of 'pretty girls,' our family members came up with a hundred reasons why they couldn't take us to the movies. They cited bad reviews, terrible actors, cost, the number of people, and their lack of time, and questioned our reasons for wanting to go. They often passed the buck to our parents, suggesting that we needed to seek their permission. This was always a tough ask even on a good day.
Clearly, these were avoidance tactics, a euphemism for 'I won't be seen escorting you to the movies because it entails adventures we're ill-equipped to handle, involving potential confrontations and events beyond our control.'
While the eve-teasers lurked everywhere in India, they were especially to be found in theaters. As teenage girls, we were aware of the potential dangers, but sadly, accepted them as part of the movie-going experience.
Instead, we prayed to the deities for divine intervention from these eve-teasers and planned our movie outings carefully. We preferred certain ‘good theatres',’ and movie times - morning and afternoon (or ‘matinee’) shows, rather than evening or night (‘first’ or ‘second shows’ as they are called).
If our family members saw that we couldn't be dissuaded and had enlisted parental support, we were strictly instructed to dress appropriately to not invite extra scrutiny. If we didn't meet their uneven standards, we couldn't go. So, we willingly complied. We knew the potential risks at the theater. But, we had a plan.
First, you had to navigate past lewd onlookers outside the theater and avoid any eye contact with men at the ticket counters.
Safety tip1: Even today, women are safer avoiding eye-contact in public with suspicious or strange men as that perks their interest and attracts unwanted attention. Sad, but true. The best defense is to pretend they don’t exist and look anywhere but at them.
In India, there's a tradition of female-only queues everywhere, which is designed as a safety measure. It also has shorter queues and expedites ticket purchases, especially when booking in advance.
However, seats were pre-assigned in the order of the queue, so we squeezed into the queue and made sure we were surrounded by families. At least our row was safe. But we could not control who would sit in the row behind us.
Safety tip2: If you are a woman traveling in India, or looking for services at stores, government run institutions, on your own, look for the women only lines, entry points, or ask for women only access points, from uniformed help. Most will oblige and let you avoid the mostly male lines. Yes, equality is a thing, but avoiding being ‘nudged, touched, or poked’ physically in public, when minding your own business, is smarter.
Once we successfully entered the theater, we had to be vigilant in watching our surroundings. We assessed how many men were in their 20s, how many were in their 50s, how many were with their families, and how many were single college students or non-college-goers lurking in the back. This scrutiny occurred before the show began while the main lights were still on. If we were lucky and had a decent crowd behind us, we'd collectively sigh with relief and enjoy the show.
However, we also had to be vigilant for any potential 'mischief.' If it wasn’t our lucky day, we might discover later that, under the cover of darkness, some strange man has inserted his hand between the gap in the seats to touch our shoulders, pinch our arms, or even use a pencil to 'poke' us.
The theater seats also had a wide opening in the back. This was a danger zone as it enabled the men to insert their feet there and nudge the girls with their shoes.
When any girl turned to confront them, they would pretend it was an accident or leer, wait and then repeat this obnoxious behavior.
Afraid that if the those in our party found out, there would be confrontations, as some of the guys involved in these actions carried knives and were most likely 'goondas' (local hooligans).
So, we stayed quiet and took various precautions to prevent these incidents. For instance, ensuring we were surrounded by ‘family’ type of a crowd, sitting at the edge of the seat uncomfortably to prevent accidental brushes through the seat back openings.
If something untoward, like a 'pencil poke,' happened, we'd protest with strong stares or raise our voices at no one in particular to avoid a confrontation. Many entry-level eve-teasers are bullies and threatening to expose them scares them into leaving you alone.
Once, we even witnessed one of these men brandishing a knife, which left us scared. We were in the range of 12-17 years of age.
Our movie-going experiences were marred by the culture of eve-teasing. There were too many such individuals to complain to the police. Approaching the police to file a complaint was a daunting prospect and it never crossed our minds.
No one was happier than the our family when cable television and on-demand movies became a thing.
Today, the movie-going experience in larger cities in India has become more benign, resembling the experience in the United States in most aspects. However, women still have to be careful at all times as a safety precaution.
Some eve-teasers are relatively harmless, as they refrain from physical contact, fearing the reactions of the women and the surrounding crowd. The common understanding they have is that some girls will beat them up using anything handy, most often, their shoes, when provoked.
Instead, these entry-level eve-teasers typically demonstrate their power only through crude comments, uncomfortable ogling, whistling, or unwarranted (and incorrect) advice, such as 'breathe through your mouth' while a girl is jogging or 'watch where you are going.'
Occasionally, they might even call you by the name of a beautiful Bollywood actress. In some cities, girls wearing jeans or pants invite scrutiny and these remarks, as the girl is often considered ‘bold,’ or ‘modern.’
Also, there is the stare. Strange men staring at you, watching and following your every move when you are in public. You never get used to it. See safety tips above.
Safety tip3: Unfortunately, the common advice meted out to women in India by guidebooks and locals to be more modest in dress choices when in public holds good. The question is not what is an ideal choice to have, but how to protect yourself in daily life from these riff-raffs. Though less of an issue, in major cities today, where girls wear shorts to the market, it is still important to be aware of your surroundings at all times.
Growing up, we used to be in awe of the stories of bold college-going girls who confronted these eve-teasers. The common question the girls asked, if stories were to be believed, was: 'Don't you have sisters and mothers at home?' Until one day, we heard that an eve-teaser had answered, 'Yes, I do, but not a wife like you.'
In contrast, there are other eve-teasers, like lecherous 65-year-old men in markets who might pinch a girl and then quickly disappear into the crowd at local markets.
In some regions of India (especially the North), girls can be quite brave, slapping the eve-teaser, or using their shoes to rain a few blows, or enlisting the crowd to beat the guy up and hand him over to the police. At times, the police can be quite brutal with suspected eve-teasers.
I remember an incident as an eight-year-old, when I accompanied an aunt to the market. A man on a bicycle approached us and asked her, 'Where are you going, sweetheart?' Before I could blink, she slapped him hard. I'm not sure who was more surprised, the man or me. The man nearly fell off his bike and pedaled away at an astonishing speed.
I wish I could say that some of her courage rubbed off on my cousins and me. However, we were quite meek and found subtler ways to evade eve-teasers. We were skilled at defense but not confrontation.
Naturally, our childhood was filled with the thrilling adventures that female characters in our books had, like Enid Blyton's characters, Nancy Drew, or even fairy tale princesses. Their stories of crumpets and tea, adventures with cousins,secret clubs with passwords, and acts of bravery as 'tomboys' or fighting dragons were far more exciting than worrying about local irritants so we happily chose it.
Safety Tip4: While we were lucky to experience milder forms of eve-teasing, girls should still be hyper-vigilant. Some of the men can turn violent or persistent. While eve-teasing has diminished significantly in major cities today, it is a mistake to assume it is eliminated. Violence against women is a harsh reality. Women should always follow safety precautions when living, working and and traveling in India. For some of us, this is an automatic reflex.